August 27 - September 2
Is it okay to let it simmer a while longer before you respond? The answer is YES.
Sometimes you must respond immediately, the situation requires it and your need to keep on living may require it too. But often there are situations that require a bit more time to sort out.
Case in Point
A man walked passed me at the market several weeks back. He got 3 steps past my table, whirled around and said “I thought this was a grower’s market, not a carnival!” He proceeded to accuse me of being a fake and hurled a few more accusations at me and stomped off. I continued to sip my morning coffee and ponder what had just occurred. What do you do with that kind of misguided information? I decided to let the market manager know and to let it go but something about the guy just lingered. Should I confront him? It didn’t seem like a great idea and not one that would have accomplished a thing. I closed my eyes for a moment and cleared my space and my cards and made sure his tirade was dispersed and returned to a neutral form and went on with my day but it seemed his energy was lingering in the market and irritating everyone else.
What To Do With Craziness
The craziness he carried affected the market for several weeks and for the first time I found myself not enjoying what I was doing. I had a string of readings that challenged my beliefs about what I was doing — I tossed these feelings aside and kept reading. I wasn’t about to let anyone affect me with ill-informed thinking. But the wacky energy continued to linger and I began to believe I needed to stir things up to shift it into a better place. Still I waited and I am glad I did.
The Truth Comes Out
Come to find out he was a grower that had shown up late and had not bothered to show up at all until 10 weeks into a 16 week market. In the proceeding two weeks after finally showing up, he insulted the market management, abused several of the other growers by trying to steal their booth space and was terribly rude to potential customers of his. His energy affected everyone there on a very subtle level and showed up in varying levels of dissatisfaction and exhaustion. It turns out I wasn’t the only one dealing with this. As of last weekend, he is no longer a grower at our market. And as a result the energy lifted and we had a wonderful market this weekend.
Simmering Craziness, Batman!
How is it that people can drop their dirty laundry on others and wreak havoc like this guy did, even on someone who knows better? This was a perfect example of the fact that it doesn’t matter the premise you are working from, if you carry it around, give it force by images and constant thinking and project it at others, it can affect everyone. This guys hatred and misinformation was affecting us, the market, as a whole.
By not acting initially and allowing the situation to simmer a bit, the “issue” was resolved and Justice spoke clearly. The situation allowed me to get very clear about who I was and why I was there reading at the market. And so I must thank that nasty little man for making me even more grounded in my beliefs.
Justice Speaks
The Justice card will shine light on what works and what doesn’t work and will highlight what needs to be removed (without our interference of course). The body has it’s own sort of Justice and our legal system is actually an attempt to replicate eternal Justice or what I refer to as a natural Justice.
I know sometimes it feels like there is no Justice but those are the times you must work on self and not worry about what everyone else is doing.
Enjoy your week and celebrate the ability to reason and then equillibrate!
Showing posts with label timing tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label timing tips. Show all posts
Tips & Tools To Get Timing Right - Part 4
This is a 4 part series on tips and tools to get your creative timing on its most advantageous track.
Here is the fourth and last installment in this series on Timing Is Everything – Tips & Tools for Getting Timing Right.
Tip#3
90-Day Wonders or The 3 Moon Rule
I learned this tip from a therapist friend years ago when I was in my early twenties. It is one of those tips that really should be a rule for measurement in everyone’s arsenal as it clears the way for the great relationships, jobs and projects to come forward. With this rule I have learned to identify relationships that will work for me and my path and those that are treacherous ground.
It was explained to me this way: Everyone has a story. When you meet someone you must allow time for the real story to come forward because many of us attempt to hide the truth from each other and sometimes we just don’t want to see the truth or we just aren't hearing it. It becomes difficult the longer you know someone for that someone or you to keep up a façade or to hide the real truth from each other. In 3, 30-day cycles the truth almost always is revealed. The relationships that don't make it past 90 days are called "90 Day Wonders."
I have taken a few liberties garnered from life experience to make this rule. The question is, are you willing to see the truth? Is this relationship worth the effort? Is this relationship feeding truth?
When To Use This Rule
This rule is one that tends to linger in the background anytime you meet someone and begin to forge some kind of a connection. It doesn’t have to be a love connection. It can simply be a work connection or social connection as well.
Use this rule when:
- Someone wants or demands a commitment of some kind in an unreasonable amount of time
- You find yourself committing to someone or something without a lot of thinking or planning behind it
- It's too good to be true
- Someone takes the reins right out of your hands
- You feel shamed or manipulated into a relationship
How To Use This Rule
Look for the other person's response when implementing this rule. It is a giveaway as to how they operate and what their needs are. Note when things start to shift, get pushy or out of hand, by using a calendar and making notes about time frame--this is how you track the 90 day time span. Many of these relationships will end in 30 to 60 days. Do they need to know you are doing this? No.
- Use a calendar to mark the points in the relationship. Note in particular the date of meeting so you can time the process.
- Look for signs of violence, manipulation, lying, or betrayal and mark these on the calendar
- Don't be afraid of confronting the other person when they get pushy. Back them off with "this is moving way too fast" and note their response. An accusatory, violent or manipulative response is a sure sign to get out immediately.
- Ask for an objective third party to help you identify what is going on.
Pitfalls and Challenges
- Not all relationships will fit the 90-day rule. There are always exceptions but before you decide to throw out the 90-day rule, get some objective opinions from a third party.
- Just because you meet people through friends, church or other organizations you feel comfortable with, that doesn’t mean you should disregard this rule.
- Learning to trust your instincts takes time and practice. Most of us have been taught to push down, ignore, or ridicule our own feelings and responses so allow yourself time to learn about you through this rule.
- Not every relationship will require you to use this rule. Some just work from day one with no anxiety or trust issues.
The Reward of the 90-Day Rule
Using the 90-day rule can give you insight into the possible issues and rough spots of a relationship. It enables you to identify the issues in a relationship that you just cannot live with and those that you can learn to deal with. It can alert you to trouble.
The first 90 days of a relationship are arguably the most important as they can give you a very clear idea of what is in store. Open discussion between the 2 players can solidify a strong connection or put things into an intelligent perspective.
The plain truth about anything is that if it is suppose to happen it will. Forcing a relationship to work through manipulation or misdirected feelings is a path to disaster. Give yourself the room and time frame to allow this truth to come forward by using the 3-day rule, the 30-day rule and the 90-day rule whenever you feel stifled, crushed or atypically euphoric.
Staying objective is the real trick and these rules can help you master objectivity.
Here's a link to:
Part 1 - Timing Is Everything, Tips & Tools To Get Timing Right
Part 2 - The 3-Day Rule
Part 3 - The 30-Day Rule
If you are a fellow blogger I will put a link at the bottom of any article you respond to from your blog. That means links for you and an incentive to write more posts for your own blog, so get busy! And if you think to, a mention of my post and blog is appreciated. Let me know when your post is up by leaving a comment.
Here is the fourth and last installment in this series on Timing Is Everything – Tips & Tools for Getting Timing Right.
Tip#3
90-Day Wonders or The 3 Moon Rule
I learned this tip from a therapist friend years ago when I was in my early twenties. It is one of those tips that really should be a rule for measurement in everyone’s arsenal as it clears the way for the great relationships, jobs and projects to come forward. With this rule I have learned to identify relationships that will work for me and my path and those that are treacherous ground.
It was explained to me this way: Everyone has a story. When you meet someone you must allow time for the real story to come forward because many of us attempt to hide the truth from each other and sometimes we just don’t want to see the truth or we just aren't hearing it. It becomes difficult the longer you know someone for that someone or you to keep up a façade or to hide the real truth from each other. In 3, 30-day cycles the truth almost always is revealed. The relationships that don't make it past 90 days are called "90 Day Wonders."
I have taken a few liberties garnered from life experience to make this rule. The question is, are you willing to see the truth? Is this relationship worth the effort? Is this relationship feeding truth?
When To Use This Rule
This rule is one that tends to linger in the background anytime you meet someone and begin to forge some kind of a connection. It doesn’t have to be a love connection. It can simply be a work connection or social connection as well.
Use this rule when:
- Someone wants or demands a commitment of some kind in an unreasonable amount of time
- You find yourself committing to someone or something without a lot of thinking or planning behind it
- It's too good to be true
- Someone takes the reins right out of your hands
- You feel shamed or manipulated into a relationship
How To Use This Rule
Look for the other person's response when implementing this rule. It is a giveaway as to how they operate and what their needs are. Note when things start to shift, get pushy or out of hand, by using a calendar and making notes about time frame--this is how you track the 90 day time span. Many of these relationships will end in 30 to 60 days. Do they need to know you are doing this? No.
- Use a calendar to mark the points in the relationship. Note in particular the date of meeting so you can time the process.
- Look for signs of violence, manipulation, lying, or betrayal and mark these on the calendar
- Don't be afraid of confronting the other person when they get pushy. Back them off with "this is moving way too fast" and note their response. An accusatory, violent or manipulative response is a sure sign to get out immediately.
- Ask for an objective third party to help you identify what is going on.
Pitfalls and Challenges
- Not all relationships will fit the 90-day rule. There are always exceptions but before you decide to throw out the 90-day rule, get some objective opinions from a third party.
- Just because you meet people through friends, church or other organizations you feel comfortable with, that doesn’t mean you should disregard this rule.
- Learning to trust your instincts takes time and practice. Most of us have been taught to push down, ignore, or ridicule our own feelings and responses so allow yourself time to learn about you through this rule.
- Not every relationship will require you to use this rule. Some just work from day one with no anxiety or trust issues.
The Reward of the 90-Day Rule
Using the 90-day rule can give you insight into the possible issues and rough spots of a relationship. It enables you to identify the issues in a relationship that you just cannot live with and those that you can learn to deal with. It can alert you to trouble.
The first 90 days of a relationship are arguably the most important as they can give you a very clear idea of what is in store. Open discussion between the 2 players can solidify a strong connection or put things into an intelligent perspective.
The plain truth about anything is that if it is suppose to happen it will. Forcing a relationship to work through manipulation or misdirected feelings is a path to disaster. Give yourself the room and time frame to allow this truth to come forward by using the 3-day rule, the 30-day rule and the 90-day rule whenever you feel stifled, crushed or atypically euphoric.
Staying objective is the real trick and these rules can help you master objectivity.
Here's a link to:
Part 1 - Timing Is Everything, Tips & Tools To Get Timing Right
Part 2 - The 3-Day Rule
Part 3 - The 30-Day Rule
If you are a fellow blogger I will put a link at the bottom of any article you respond to from your blog. That means links for you and an incentive to write more posts for your own blog, so get busy! And if you think to, a mention of my post and blog is appreciated. Let me know when your post is up by leaving a comment.
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